I recently wrote a blog titled “7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love.” Within hours, the post had tens of thousands of reads and thousands of social media shares – numbers that would double and triple over the next couple days.
At first, I was surprised at this response, but then I thought about the prevalence of the subject matter.
Learning to love is a subject I will further explore in my upcoming e Course, “Creating Your Ideal Relationship: How to Find and Achieve the Love You Say You Want.” Here are some crucial actions we can take to start breaking down the barriers inside ourselves that push love away: 1.
Look at your history – As we delve into the ways we defend against love, it’s helpful to look at our past.
In any relationship, the only person you can control is yourself.
By being open to how we are resistant to achieving the love we say we want, we empower ourselves to change 100 percent of our half of the dynamic.
Having this problem may seem hard to relate to at first, since most of us claim that we want love in our lives.
We can start by looking at our current or recent relationships. If the relationship has ended, where did it go wrong? What ways might we be pushing/have pushed love away? What were we telling ourselves the last time we provoked our partner, started a fight, acted coldly, rejected a loved one, refused an invitation, ignored or withheld affection, sloughed off a compliment, etc?
Who isn’t on some level fearful or resistant to, not just falling in love, but in love? Robert Firestone’s theory of the “fear of intimacy” and was heavily inspired by more than 30 years of examples of clients, co-workers, friends, family members and countless individuals I’ve encountered across the world who’ve opened up to me about their relationship struggles. How can we overcome our fears of intimacy to find and maintain the love we so desire?
Almost every one of us can relate to at least a couple of the ways we defend ourselves, self-protect and self-sabotage when it comes to love. The first step to not acting on our fears is to recognize that we have them.
Many of us feel cheated or victimized by circumstance, while failing to see that our biggest obstacle is how we get in our own way.